


Capturing the Moment

by Darkhymns



Series: Colloyd Week 2019 [9]
Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 13:30:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: Colette wanted to cherish every moment she could with Lloyd. But the moments she would miss would sting her heart, and still she yearned for more.





	Capturing the Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Extra story for Colloyd Day. This is actually a very old fic, so the writing isn't up to par, but I still liked the general idea of it enough. The placement of the scenes are probably weird but this was when I had no idea what I was doing (I still don't) but anyway, I hope it reads okay!

Before the journey, Colette tried to take every moment she had fully, appreciate its existence before it left her grasp. The warmth of the sun, the breaths she took as she ran, and the laughter of a friend were treasures she tried to carry with her off into sleep. Sometimes, she would simply lay on the grass, trying to grasp everything with her senses as Lloyd’s shadow would gratefully cover her from the light’s harsher glares.

“You look happy,” Lloyd would say, smiling, and she couldn’t help but smile even more with him.

But sometimes, she would miss the almost-moments, the ones that came close to completion before flying away. Missing a friend’s call from across the village, or not getting to see the shooting star that Lloyd had tried pointing out to her once. They left longings inside her that sent a sadness she felt guilty for - after all, hadn’t she already had so much, more than many could probably say? A Chosen of Mana should not be so selfish, yet her heart would ache for those sensations that would slip by and out of her grasp.

One night, she and Lloyd lingered at the meadows outside of Iselia, where they could see the village from a distance, not close enough for those to see them, yet not far into the forests where predators could get them. It was a year before she would leave, and when they both were already learning to carry their weapons around, though the only enemies they ever had to fight were rabid wolves that would try to attack those on the pathway. Genis had already gone home to brave his sister’s cooking once more, leaving only them both on the search they had decided to undertake.

“I know that clover was around here somewhere.” Lloyd scratched his head, frustrated that he could not find the four-leaf oddity.

“It’s okay if we miss it” Colette had assured, but he was determined, searching through the grass in the dark, with only the moonlight to guide him. “Are you even able to see much though?”

“There it is!” Lloyd shouted with an enthusiasm that sent a pleasant warmth through her. His excitement infected her, so she couldn’t help but gasp in wonder when she found it near his hand, tempted to pluck it away as she knelt next to him.

She was not sure what had changed between them there - for it was only the usual between them. There had been plenty of times they had remained near each other alone, but suddenly there was an awkwardness that she couldn’t explain. Perhaps by their nearness, his head just next to hers as they looked at the clover, but again it was not the first time they had ever been this close. Was it the darkness of the night sky? The lights of the village in the distance?

What she knew was that Lloyd was looking at her differently, and that it set off a temptation that she only dimly harbored when she allowed herself to think of it. When he leaned forward, she had already closed her eyes, already imagining heat and scents that she had wanted, despite all that she already had. A breath passed over her lips, and there was just the slightest touch that sent a shiver through her chest. But, inexperienced as they both were, neither had calculated the distance well enough, especially with both their eyes shut. A hard smack between both their foreheads instantly broke off the almost-kiss.

“Ow…” Lloyd rubbed his head, blinking away the night’s affects. “Sorry about that. And, uh…”

Nursing her own bruise, she laughed. “It’s okay. It was probably my fault.”

Lloyd had already gotten to his feet, helping her off her knees. “I didn’t think heads could be so hard,” he said with a grin.

Unsure how to get back to the moment, it was already lost. They then both went back to the norm, heading back to the village for Colette to be home before her family worried.

Perhaps it was better though. It would be cruel to promise him something that could never be fulfilled. So she did not seek, but the longing, no matter how hard she tried, continued to stay.

* * *

“Why didn’t you say anything to anyone? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

Lloyd rarely yelled at her - the closest instances was when he raised his voice if she got herself hurt, as her clumsiness ensured would happen time and again. Always she could detect the slight crack in his tone when he did so, as if the very concept of her in any condition worse than a scraped knee or bruised lip was enough to send him into a panic.

The deadening of her own senses was enough to push him into terror.

“It’s okay, Lloyd. Really!” She smiled perfectly, twining the fingers of her hands together to keep them still. “I don’t get tired anymore now. You know how hard it usually is for me to get up early if we need to. And now I can hear things from far off and-”

“Stop it, Colette.” Lloyd’s voice was low. His fists clenched in frustration. “Stop trying to make like everything’s okay when it’s not!”

Her eyes flickered to the shattered mugs on the ground, spilling out the black contents. “Lloyd, I just… I don’t want you to worry.”

“How can’t I?” He took a step closer to her, and once again she could hear his voice crack again. He barely kept hold of it. “Can you… can you really not feel anything anymore?”

There was that hope. But if she lied, he would just see through her, as he always had.

“No,” she told him. Nor sleep, nor eat. The price of her wings was slow but certain. She had not known that the transformation would do this to her. She had prepared herself for the end, but not for what would come before. Still, this was her lot - it could not be changed.

“Please don’t tell anyone. At least, until our journey is ended.”

“Colette-”

“I want this journey to be fun for everyone!” She smiled again, not completely fake now. The worry he felt for her was reassuring, but she wanted his pain to stop. “This is just part of becoming an angel. If we tell everyone now, they’ll keep worrying over me. And I don’t want to cause such trouble, especially when we’re discovering new places.”

Lloyd stared at her. He kept clenching his hands, unsure what to do.

“But…I’m glad that you know, Lloyd,” she whispered. “If there’s anyone that I would want to talk about this, I’m happy that it’s with my most favorite person in Iselia.”

She wasn’t sure exactly what she said then. Or perhaps it was how she said, breathless, with the memory of a darkened sky and childish search through the fields. Yet it made tears slide down Lloyd’s cheeks, made him rush up to her with a tight embrace.

“I’m so stupid! If I had known what was happening to you…”

Colette lifted her hands, intending to offer him some comfort back. But he had already pulled back slightly, staring at her like he had done those few months ago. His lips met hers in a rush, his breath quickening as he gripped her arms. It was a moment she had often thought about before, when she would imagine the scenario, on the words they would say to each other before it happened.

Reality wasn’t the same. She stood there, feeling nothing. Not the rush of electricity, not the intoxication of heat. Her wings had robbed her of such sensations. It made her heart crack.

Still, she wouldn’t trade her first kiss with anyone else.

* * *

And she would soon kiss him again, greedy for nothing less.

_I’m glad I can say goodbye to you in the end._ Her lips couldn’t move, her throat couldn’t utter a thing. But still, in the tower, Lloyd heard her. He clung to her as she felt herself being pulled away.

“Colette, wait!” He was the only one that ran to her, not stopped by fear or confliction. Despite everything her death would accomplish, he still chose her. “You can’t… you can’t go…”

The way his voice broke, it made her want to be close to him, just once more. Just one last thing before her memory of him would be taken from her.

Because she was selfish, and she still wanted to feel his kiss, even if it was beyond salvaging now.

She could see, from the growing dimness of her eyes, the shock in his face as she pressed against him. His own eyes widened, reflected the light from her wings and her pain. But what she suffered was nothing compared to his own, to know that her lips could not feel him, no matter how hard she tried. He stayed rigid at first, letting her hold up his face as she imparted one last moment with him, despite the stares around them both. Both the shock from her friends and the aloofness from Remiel was palpable, but it was only the boy before her that mattered now, who always had mattered beyond her existence.

With a quiet sob, Lloyd grasped her hands, pressing them close as he kissed her back. His grip was strong, no matter how much it shook. He begged her for one more moment to stay, to be alive, to not leave him alone in a revived world. This was a terrible thing for her to do, but she wanted to be selfish, she wanted a chance to maybe feel him, finally.

Of course, she didn’t.

Colette let him go. She regretted his tears. _I’m sorry._

* * *

So, did she deserve anything when she could finally laugh, taste and feel again?

Flanoir was a place unlike any other, a place where she could feel the numbness in her hands and be so grateful for such a thing. Lloyd had asked her to come with him outside, long after everyone else had slept. The later the hour, the colder it felt. She wanted all of that chill, all of the winter’s sharpness. The cloaks they both wore helped keep in some of the heat that she could feel too.

She could feel everything now, from the dampness of the snow through her mittens, to the brush of Lloyd’s hand when he helped her up from yet another fall.

“Your face is red though,” he said, grinning wide. The snowflakes caught onto his hair, clinging onto him tight. Few people were around now, and the snow held in all sound so that all she could feel and hear was him - like that night in the field.

She grinned back at him, giggles tumbling from her lips. “My whole body is cold, but my cheeks are burning!” She put his hands to her face - ungloved now, so that he could pack up a better snowball he had claimed! - a shiver passing through her as the chill of his skin intensified the winter all around. “See?”

“Heh, yeah…”

Lloyd’s smile was soft then, and she could see that he had already figured her out. Hands numb to the world, pressing against warmth that could not be felt. But where her own loss of sensations had been a stolen thing, a reminder of the nearness of her death, his had been given willingly to the snow, knowing that his sense of touch would return. It would not be without slight pain as the blood rushed back to his fingers, but that was the mark of his humanity, the mark of hers as the heat of her cheeks cooled pleasantly at his touch.

His kiss was slow at first, lingering. It recalled all the other lost moments, taken from their hearts with great hurt. Colette made a sound, a soft little strangle that echoed another from months before. She placed her own cold hands against his, and so he did not let go. Her sound only made his kiss deeper, made them both rush to grasp what they could before something else sought to separate them again. It was a sprint to go beyond innocence, for complete fulfillment. Still, there was the touch of first love, making its shaky steps from the night in the meadows outside Iselia.

His mouth released hers in complete reluctance, but there was no agony. Not anymore. He released his hands from her face, only to have them encircle her waist as he brought her close.

“I missed you,” he whispered into her hair. She heard tears in his voice, but for once did not feel any guilt for it. She embraced him back, pressing as close as she could, uncaring how it may seem. They had fought too long for this.

“Me too,” she said back, and brought his face back to hers. The sensations his mouth brought her, of a heated chest, of sparks shooting through her limbs, could not have been imagined. And she was glad for it.


End file.
